I'll Rest When I'm Dead
by Andra Sashner
Summary: Canon anime-verse, season ending episode: Death is coming; the words ring in Ciel's head. But it's a welcome thought. The path he's walked has been too long and he has no use for a soul now.


_**I'll Rest When I'm Dead  
**__31__st__ March 2009  
__**Series:**__ Kuroshitsuji  
_

* * *

_Death is coming. Death is coming. Death is coming._

It'd been ringing in Ciel's head all evening. Damn that Reaper for spoiling the punch line. Nothing to be done but appreciate the warning, the chance it presented. And damn Sebastian for the suggestion he should be left on the boat; he could see the knowledge of truth in Sebastian's eyes. No way was this demon going to deprive him of seeing this to the end. They had, at least, that in common.

He didn't get to see it all end, anyway. But so small a promise of keeping his eyes shut meant nothing beneath the weight of all the significance Sebastian had and still played in his life. The sounds had been very satisfying in their own way, besides. It meant a lot to him that when he opened his eyes, his first sight had been of Sebastian's gentle face, the finality, the end.

Hanging from the bridge, crossroads before him and everything that really mattered done and dusted... he couldn't think of one reason not to surrender to the relief that made his grip weak and he didn't need a moment to find meaning in holding on anymore. It was over.

He let go. And as he fell, it all rushed by;

Mother. Father. Home. Madame Red. Lizzy. Lizzy's parents. Tanaka. Sebastian. Finny. Bard. Marlene. The Phantomhive ring.

All of the beautiful things rushed by and he felt something expand in where his heart should be. Colours, tastes, _desserts_, moments, days, nights, danger, threats, joy and determination… There were many good things about his life. Had been many good things. And there were many bad things about his life. Had been many bad things.

He felt real. Whole.

He smiled, the thought warmed him. His soul could be almost complete now, had grown in those significant pieces along the way when he'd realised things he had forgotten. Those moments when Sebastian would smile satisfactorily, pleased and impressed, and maybe a little smug.

"I lied," he admitted, sitting in Sebastian's arms at the base of one of the tower's legs, the Thames flowing gently by, the morning sun just beginning to crest.

Sebastian only smiled gently. "You can't die yet."

Ciel's chest felt tight, though the burning of the pain from his side had already begun to fade. He smiled, thinking that his death would only come from him, this demon. "True. You don't lie." _I will die by your hand. The way I am meant to die._

_The way I want to die._

Not something meaningless. "I want to ask you something."

Something changed in Sebastian's expression when he asked, still in that gentle voice, "What is it?"

"What is the you now?" _Who are you?_

Sebastian seemed almost sad for a brief moment. "What a silly question." He smiled, eyes slipping shut in a way that hid his eyes. "To young master, no matter where that may be, I will always be one hell of a butler."

The voice faded as he fell asleep but in what seemed like moments, he woke in a boat. It took only a moment to realise this wasn't the boat they'd last been in. This was... someplace _else._

_Oh._

So this was it. For all things they discussed, one thing remained in Ciel's mind: They would all be okay. Everyone. It... didn't concern him anymore. The weight on his shoulders burdened him no more. Yet, finally, at that last place, he couldn't help but be a little selfish. As much as he appreciated this beautiful place Sebastian had taken him to, as much as it should probably offend him to be brought to a beautiful place only to die, he took his will in both hands and ordered,

"Make it as painful as you can. Carve my life into my soul."

Sebastian had that satisfied look in his eyes again, impressed and smug, bowing his head and kneeling in that last time he ever would. "Yes, My Lord."

Ciel watched, kept his eyes open, facing this as he had everything else in his life.

So worth it.

A gentle and –dare he say it?-- tender touch to his cheek, a brush of those long fingers over his face and then his eyes patch fell. Naked. Stripped bare. His sins known and… appreciated?

Yes.

Not in vain.

Ciel thought he might have smiled at the last.

"Well then, young master…"

_Yes. It's time to go._

Fin.


End file.
